Tonight War Criminal Cam Newton will win the Heisman Trophy temporarily. There remains little doubt that Newton was aware that his father was receiving payment for his attendance at Auburn. Needless to say the SEC is not necessarily known for fairness and honesty in competition. All of that is beside the point.
The point that young Cam is missing out on concerns the attendance of his father at the event. The elder Newton announced this week he will not attend the ceremony to avoid robbing his son of a sacred moment. An action that is no doubt intended to keep him from having to answer any tough questions about his actions on behalf of his son. In terms of Cam, the question remains should he accept an award at a place where is father is clearly not welcome.
I was daydreaming about this particular circumstance earlier this week. What if I was the clear front runner for the Heisman, but some hypocritical douchebags (the NCAA and College Football in particularmake billions of dollars off the work of these individuals) claimed my father could not attend for some reason? Now I understand that Cecil's actions preempted people from banning him from the ceremony, but what if he had not. My answer would be tough. Any organization that is not willing to have my family present can stick it up their asses.
I would attend the ceremony. I would leave myself eligible to win the award. Once I won the award I would refuse to touch the trophy. I would step to the microphone and express my feelings concerning the hypocrisy of college football. I would tell them thank you, but no thank you. The Heisman Trophy is a piece of bronze and blood is thicker than even bronze. I'd call the second place vote getter to the podium and declare him the winner. Then I'd ride off into the sunset of professional football, millions of dollars and mega babes. I'd be a legend. The only guy to ever turn down the Heisman.
Cam, turn it down. Do it for your dad.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Ron Santo...Hall of Famer
The Baseball Hall of Fame is not all about numbers. My brother would argue otherwise as he holds up his "Mazeroski, You Don't Belong!" sign. With all due respect, and remember I am saying with all due respect, my brother is wrong, the truth is the Hall of Fame is about one word "fame." Fame is about importance and significance to us all.
Let's review the initial Hall of Fame class. The legendary 5. Ruth, Cobb, Johnson, Matthewson and Wagner. While each of these individuals had some of the most impressive numbers in history at the time, it was not all about the numbers. Ruth was the most famous baseball player ever. Cobb was a son-of-a-bitch on an epic scale, and therefore endlessly entertaining. Matthewson lost it all in the Great War. Wagner, well he might have been about the numbers. Johnson was an incredible talent, but like Wagner, had incredible numbers. However, a lot of the numbers guys, Young and the deadball era players, had to wait behind their more famous colleagues.
The point of the Hall of Fame is not to just reward numbers. If it were the Bert Blyleven would already be in. The Hall is about being important to us as a society. Ruth altered baseball forever. Johnson was unprecedented in his dominance. Cobb lead the most important statistic of his time, batting average, by a large margin. Mazeroski created one of the most indelible memories in baseball history.
Very few players of his time are currently more important to baseball than Santo is today. Santo is the high priest of Cubs suffering. His passing marks, for us Cubs fans, another sad milestone. Another one of us that passed away before seeing the Cubs break the curse. I heard someone today say that no one deserved to see the Cubs win the World Series more than Santo. I wholeheartedly agree.
Santo's passion and love for the lovable losers make him a paragon of what baseball should be about. The child in all of us loving unconditionally something that means nothing at all. (Thanks to Mike Greenberg) Santo didn't just love. he didn't just love unconditionally. He loved completely and we loved him back. He should have been in the Hall of Fame anyway you look at it...numbers...fame...importance.
Finally, no one should overlook Santo's work as a humanitarian. His efforts with Juvenile Diabetes and diabetes awareness are immeasurable. I read somewhere today that Santo would personally call diabetes patients that wrote him about losing a limb. He thought it made it more memorable for them. I'd like to see evidence Cobb made one call that did not involve money or getting laid.
The fact Santo was not voted into the Hall of Fame during his lifetime is one of the great tragedies of baseball history. Sadly, it can never be corrected. Even posthumous induction will rob us all of the opportunity to watch Santo bask the universal love he so deserved from the entire baseball world.
Let's review the initial Hall of Fame class. The legendary 5. Ruth, Cobb, Johnson, Matthewson and Wagner. While each of these individuals had some of the most impressive numbers in history at the time, it was not all about the numbers. Ruth was the most famous baseball player ever. Cobb was a son-of-a-bitch on an epic scale, and therefore endlessly entertaining. Matthewson lost it all in the Great War. Wagner, well he might have been about the numbers. Johnson was an incredible talent, but like Wagner, had incredible numbers. However, a lot of the numbers guys, Young and the deadball era players, had to wait behind their more famous colleagues.
The point of the Hall of Fame is not to just reward numbers. If it were the Bert Blyleven would already be in. The Hall is about being important to us as a society. Ruth altered baseball forever. Johnson was unprecedented in his dominance. Cobb lead the most important statistic of his time, batting average, by a large margin. Mazeroski created one of the most indelible memories in baseball history.
Very few players of his time are currently more important to baseball than Santo is today. Santo is the high priest of Cubs suffering. His passing marks, for us Cubs fans, another sad milestone. Another one of us that passed away before seeing the Cubs break the curse. I heard someone today say that no one deserved to see the Cubs win the World Series more than Santo. I wholeheartedly agree.
Santo's passion and love for the lovable losers make him a paragon of what baseball should be about. The child in all of us loving unconditionally something that means nothing at all. (Thanks to Mike Greenberg) Santo didn't just love. he didn't just love unconditionally. He loved completely and we loved him back. He should have been in the Hall of Fame anyway you look at it...numbers...fame...importance.
Finally, no one should overlook Santo's work as a humanitarian. His efforts with Juvenile Diabetes and diabetes awareness are immeasurable. I read somewhere today that Santo would personally call diabetes patients that wrote him about losing a limb. He thought it made it more memorable for them. I'd like to see evidence Cobb made one call that did not involve money or getting laid.
The fact Santo was not voted into the Hall of Fame during his lifetime is one of the great tragedies of baseball history. Sadly, it can never be corrected. Even posthumous induction will rob us all of the opportunity to watch Santo bask the universal love he so deserved from the entire baseball world.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Qatar and the bottomless abyss
Listen, I don't mean to offend anyone here. However, the questionable decision to hold the World Cup in the middle of nowhere deserves some discussion. As I understand it the expected game time temperatures for Qatar during the World Cup will be 130 degrees. That's right. 130 degrees.
How are humans supposed to survive in that kind of environment? Can our cruisers repel firepower of that magnitude? Is it indeed a trap? Is this a conspiracy to have an African team finally succeed in World Cup play? How many overweight fans perish in this inhospitable environment?
I cannot imagine a bigger competitive disadvantage for European teams (I'm looking at you England) than playing the games on Satan's left asscheek. Those poor limeys will be melting before half. I suppose coaches can attempt to counteract this problem by having their team train (see, aren't I informative? I know soccor lingo) in oppressive heat in the time leading up to the game. But how does one simulate 130 degree heat? Is is possible to fit a soccor field within a microwave oven? Do you get portable heaters?
In any event, the end result of this type of thinking, first Russia then Qatar, is the outlandish concept of holding the tournament in a bottom less pit. Much like the famous Simpson's episode where Ozzie Smith falls down a bottomless pit, this scenario is not unrealistic. It would truly test the fortitude of international footballers to find out that they can only compete for the sport's greatest prize by willingly subjecting themselves to an eternity falling through blackness. At least they wouldn't need to air condition the stadiums.
How are humans supposed to survive in that kind of environment? Can our cruisers repel firepower of that magnitude? Is it indeed a trap? Is this a conspiracy to have an African team finally succeed in World Cup play? How many overweight fans perish in this inhospitable environment?
I cannot imagine a bigger competitive disadvantage for European teams (I'm looking at you England) than playing the games on Satan's left asscheek. Those poor limeys will be melting before half. I suppose coaches can attempt to counteract this problem by having their team train (see, aren't I informative? I know soccor lingo) in oppressive heat in the time leading up to the game. But how does one simulate 130 degree heat? Is is possible to fit a soccor field within a microwave oven? Do you get portable heaters?
In any event, the end result of this type of thinking, first Russia then Qatar, is the outlandish concept of holding the tournament in a bottom less pit. Much like the famous Simpson's episode where Ozzie Smith falls down a bottomless pit, this scenario is not unrealistic. It would truly test the fortitude of international footballers to find out that they can only compete for the sport's greatest prize by willingly subjecting themselves to an eternity falling through blackness. At least they wouldn't need to air condition the stadiums.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The Edmund Fitzgerald and Offensive Lines
Today is the 35 anniversary of the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald. As many of you know the sinking of the Fitz was immortalized in the excellent Gordon Lightfoot song (definitely in the top 5 of songs about death). The tragic events of 35 years ago lead us to the other ongoing tragedy of our times...the Chicago Bears Offensive Line.
What's so horrible about this group you ask? Let's start with a little refresher course on how to properly build a football team. (Wade Phillips you should be taking notes). Everything in football is easier when gigantically muscled men are not beating 10 years out of your life. The word "everything" includes the following: (1) passing; (2) running; (3) breathing; (4) cognitive function; and (5) tackling. I can gain five yard a carry if I am not touched until four yards off the ball. Anyone can find an open receiver if the defense has to cover people for 7-10 seconds.
What does this conclusion lead us to? That any football team must be built from the front lines, specifically the defensive and offensive line. In terms of the offense that means keeping your quarterback from having his dome caved in like a Chillean mine or allowing your running back to spot small patches of green, called holes, when he takes a hand off. The Bears, both through design and poor player personnel decisions, fail utterly in this regard. Reportedly Jay Cutler has applied for political assylum in several former Eastern Block countries. Mike Martz refuses to even attempt to run the ball because he's declared such plays "futile" and "beneath his genius." As a result his 3000 page play book has been reduced to 2996 pages and a short half page addendum about the discredited "theory" of the run play.
How did we get here? The crappy play of Chicago's offensive line can be traced back to three distinct problems: (1) drafting a disabled Chris Williams so he could "injure" himself in the first contact drill of training camp; (2) trading two number 1 picks for Cutler instead of drafting offensive line; and (3) failing to use late draft picks to build potential line depth while using the same picks to draft 8 safeties that don't make a difference. To be fair I loved the Cutler move. I just figured we'd avoid problem number 3. Instead Jerry Angelo signed the likes of Orlando Pace, Frank Omileye, Kevin Schaeffer, and John St. Clair. Just because no one else wanted them didn't mean they couldn't play, right? Wrong. Now we're here. Living a nightmare and taking years off the lives of Cutler and Forte.
The only hope is that the defense can play so masterfully that they will drag Chicago to the playoffs. This is still theoretically possible given Brian Urlacher has been released from the government's witness protection program and allowed to play professional football again. We'd all like to thank Mr. Urlacher for testifying against the space alien agents in our midst.
What's so horrible about this group you ask? Let's start with a little refresher course on how to properly build a football team. (Wade Phillips you should be taking notes). Everything in football is easier when gigantically muscled men are not beating 10 years out of your life. The word "everything" includes the following: (1) passing; (2) running; (3) breathing; (4) cognitive function; and (5) tackling. I can gain five yard a carry if I am not touched until four yards off the ball. Anyone can find an open receiver if the defense has to cover people for 7-10 seconds.
What does this conclusion lead us to? That any football team must be built from the front lines, specifically the defensive and offensive line. In terms of the offense that means keeping your quarterback from having his dome caved in like a Chillean mine or allowing your running back to spot small patches of green, called holes, when he takes a hand off. The Bears, both through design and poor player personnel decisions, fail utterly in this regard. Reportedly Jay Cutler has applied for political assylum in several former Eastern Block countries. Mike Martz refuses to even attempt to run the ball because he's declared such plays "futile" and "beneath his genius." As a result his 3000 page play book has been reduced to 2996 pages and a short half page addendum about the discredited "theory" of the run play.
How did we get here? The crappy play of Chicago's offensive line can be traced back to three distinct problems: (1) drafting a disabled Chris Williams so he could "injure" himself in the first contact drill of training camp; (2) trading two number 1 picks for Cutler instead of drafting offensive line; and (3) failing to use late draft picks to build potential line depth while using the same picks to draft 8 safeties that don't make a difference. To be fair I loved the Cutler move. I just figured we'd avoid problem number 3. Instead Jerry Angelo signed the likes of Orlando Pace, Frank Omileye, Kevin Schaeffer, and John St. Clair. Just because no one else wanted them didn't mean they couldn't play, right? Wrong. Now we're here. Living a nightmare and taking years off the lives of Cutler and Forte.
The only hope is that the defense can play so masterfully that they will drag Chicago to the playoffs. This is still theoretically possible given Brian Urlacher has been released from the government's witness protection program and allowed to play professional football again. We'd all like to thank Mr. Urlacher for testifying against the space alien agents in our midst.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Randy Moss Conspiracy
First, welcome everyone to our blog. This is the maiden voyage of something that we hope will be a great source of entertainment for readers. Thanks for your support.
The first topic up for discussion...The Patriots conspiracy to defraud hapless NFL teams of their draft picks. As you might be aware the Patriots own two first round, two second round, two third round and countless other draft picks in this April's draft (or as I call it Christmas in April). Now they've got the Vikings third round pick for 4 games of Randy Moss mailing it in. No one can tell me this is not the result of a Bill Belichik conspiracy to fleece the Vikings and teach Moss a lesson.
Did anyone else see that press conference where Moss threw himself on the Alter of the Patriots Way? You know what that is? That's Moss begging to be let back into the finely run ship that is New England. It took 4 weeks with serial killer Brad Childress for Moss to realize how good he had it catching passes from Brady and benefitting from some of the best coaching in the league.
Now Moss is a free agent, after he clears waivers, and can play for anyone he wants. For those of you thinking your team is going to claim Moss, you should stop deluding yourself. Moss will put out the word concerning which team he will play for (New England) and everyone else will be scared off by the threat of the ultimate poison pill wrecking their locker room. You can also count out any of the bad teams making a claim for a half season rental. Those teams would have spent money on good players already if they were going to do it.
This leaves Moss free to return to Belichik, humbled and believing he never had it so good. The only other possibility is that Rex Ryan picks him up just to prevent Belichik from pulling it off. And what did Belichik have to give up for this? He got Minnesota's 3rd round Pick and lost Moss for 3 games.
The really ingenius part of all this is the Belichik knew that Moss would fail or worsen the situation in Minnesota. He knew that the trade would finish toppling the one team in the NFC that has enough talent to challenge him in the Super Bowl. Now all he needs to do is win the AFC and the Super Bowl will be a victory lap.
The first topic up for discussion...The Patriots conspiracy to defraud hapless NFL teams of their draft picks. As you might be aware the Patriots own two first round, two second round, two third round and countless other draft picks in this April's draft (or as I call it Christmas in April). Now they've got the Vikings third round pick for 4 games of Randy Moss mailing it in. No one can tell me this is not the result of a Bill Belichik conspiracy to fleece the Vikings and teach Moss a lesson.
Did anyone else see that press conference where Moss threw himself on the Alter of the Patriots Way? You know what that is? That's Moss begging to be let back into the finely run ship that is New England. It took 4 weeks with serial killer Brad Childress for Moss to realize how good he had it catching passes from Brady and benefitting from some of the best coaching in the league.
Now Moss is a free agent, after he clears waivers, and can play for anyone he wants. For those of you thinking your team is going to claim Moss, you should stop deluding yourself. Moss will put out the word concerning which team he will play for (New England) and everyone else will be scared off by the threat of the ultimate poison pill wrecking their locker room. You can also count out any of the bad teams making a claim for a half season rental. Those teams would have spent money on good players already if they were going to do it.
This leaves Moss free to return to Belichik, humbled and believing he never had it so good. The only other possibility is that Rex Ryan picks him up just to prevent Belichik from pulling it off. And what did Belichik have to give up for this? He got Minnesota's 3rd round Pick and lost Moss for 3 games.
The really ingenius part of all this is the Belichik knew that Moss would fail or worsen the situation in Minnesota. He knew that the trade would finish toppling the one team in the NFC that has enough talent to challenge him in the Super Bowl. Now all he needs to do is win the AFC and the Super Bowl will be a victory lap.
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